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Author Topic: It's blackmail!  (Read 460 times)

Svend

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It's blackmail!
« on: November 20, 2008, 05:19:59 pm »
OK, so here I am working my derriere off all spring, summer, and fall....never home for more than 48 hours before I have to jet off to another project....feeling guilty about not dropping in on the forum to abuse Gary, talk coffee with Ron, or generally making a nuisance of myself here.? Minding my own business, in other words...not bothering or harming anyone.? And what thanks do I get for being so mild-mannered?? Well, today I arrive home from the airport, totally shagged from a long flight, happy to hug my wife and kids again....and then I go through my mail.? And what do I find? Nothing less than an envelope from a certain Mr. Cassara containing a photo so ludicrous and ridiculous that it can only be considered as a thinly veiled attempt at blackmail.? This photo was taped to a piece of paper, upon which was scrawled some barely intelligible scratches that appear to refer to Mr. Cassara's financial demands.? Though no dollar signs were evident, some of the scribbles appear to read:? pasta...imported... .Italian....500 lbs...De Cecco or Barilla....

Well, I state the following with certainty and conviction:
1) I will not pay any blackmail demand, not with cash or consumable goods! Never! I will fall on my broadsword before I shall pay!
2) That is not me in that photo! I vehemently deny it!!! The subject in that picture is much younger than I, and besides, my longboat is at least ten times longer than his scruffy little dinghy.? His figurehead isn't even scary, either, by Odin!
3) I shall be seeking legal counsel, and Mr. Cassara shall be hearing from me in due time.? I have a reputation to defend, and will send my fleet of longboats to across the lake to Rochester if necessary.

With respect and dignity, yours sincerely,

Svend (aka Viking)


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« Last Edit: November 20, 2008, 05:24:41 pm by Svend »
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midwif

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2008, 06:37:27 pm »
Svend
Until you prove otherwise, that PIC is THE VIKING!!
You, You, YOU!!!!

And yes, ODIN and THOR would be embarrassed. >:D >:D >:D

BTW, welcome back. ;D
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Glenn

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2008, 05:43:13 am »
Welcome back. Never realized you had such long hair....long yellow hair.  :D
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2008, 05:49:42 am »
Thanks, it's good to be back.  But darn it, I've told you -- THAT'S NOT ME!!! (see item 2, above)  Please desist from insinuating otherwise.   >:( >:( >:(

Svend
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Philpug

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2008, 06:09:40 am »
I've been giving Mr. Cassera grief in you absence. You can carry on.
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2008, 07:10:08 am »
Will do, Phil.  With gusto.  He'll regret having crossed me, the pasta-hording lout  >:D
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Ron

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2008, 07:17:34 am »
Sven, get it right, he's a 1/2 light beer drinking, tea drinking, angel hair pasta eating, spliting dinners "man".... ;D ;D ;D
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2008, 07:39:13 am »
Got it.  A man of substance and robust character, in other words.  If I send him a box of linguine, do you think it will be too much for him to handle? It's pretty solid stuff, and I wouldn't want to strain his delicate constitution...bust a blood vessel, or anything nasty like that.  It won't be the 500 lbs he demands (500 grams, if he's lucky), but at very least it may placate him and stop him from sending threatening letters.
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jim-ratliff

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2008, 07:46:35 am »
Svend:

If someone of Italian descent (who returned to the homeland this summer to visit the "family", I might add), sends you a letter making an offer that is "too good to refuse" I think you should probably reconsider.? You really only have two choices.? 1. Pay the demands in the poorly written letter. 2. Expect to wake up with a horse head in your bed some morning.

Jim

PS. Well, I guess there is option number three, but skiing is really restricted when you are in a witness protection program.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2008, 07:48:23 am by jim-ratliff »
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2008, 07:57:53 am »
Ah...no worries, Jim.  I would just be sad for the horse, poor thing.  Gary doesn't know who I know.  Toronto has more Italians than Naples, and some of them are even my friends, and most of them drink real coffee, too.  My accountant (and very close friend) is Sicilian, with a large Sicilian "family", and is not someone to be trifled with.  Me worried...nah...
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Ron

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2008, 08:04:31 am »
Siciliano, piasan! my other side of my padre's famiglia is "gambino",? ::)
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2008, 08:19:15 am »
As in THE Gambino's? Gee, does this mean more respect is due? Better watch my P's and Q's around here.  I'm starting to feel a slight chill in the air, and it ain't from winter coming on.  Yikes....
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Ron

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2008, 08:21:10 am »
sie, Gambino......   ;D The family actually disowned the daughter following the marriage. No story... your safe..at least from "that"...
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Svend

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2008, 08:24:58 am »
Whew! That's a relief.  Now I can go back to slinging witty barbs around here, and not have to worry about who I hit.

BTW, where is Mr. Cassara? He's usually lurking around the forum most mornings.  Not a chirp out of him yet today.
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Ron

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Re: It's blackmail!
« Reply #14 on: November 21, 2008, 08:50:39 am »
he's on the road this AM, I think an appointment. It's a lot of fun to pick on him when he can't respond.... I know I will pay later... 8)
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